Day Thirteen: Crime and Punishment

Birthday, sand and cranberry juice. Combine all ingredients, shake vigorously and garnish with antibiotics to highlight the subtle hints of regret.

The man sabbatical get out of jail free card is the birthday loop hole. At the conception of the man sabbatical it was mentioned that on your birthday you can do whatever (whoever) you'd like.

As luck would have it, I had a birthday during man sabbatical. As misfortune would also have it within 24 hours of my birthday my new roommate invites me to go out with her and her coworkers. Specifically her cute, tall and lightly bronzed coworker. He was wearing a black tee shirt, I was wearing a black tee shirt. He had just eaten dinner, I was eating dinner when he arrived. He looked cute in his hat, I looked cuter in his hat. He proceeded to tell me how much better I looked in his hat than he did.

Que shameless flirting and cut to the bar where the shameless flirting gets amped up ever so slightly by several drinks. The coworker consumes just enough drinks so that driving home wouldn't be legal.

To be continued....

After it was determined that the coworker would not be driving home the living room turned into the massage parlor. The coworker is massage therapist, so I got my neck professionally cracked for the first time which could possibly have been the highlight of the evening. Then the massage parlor switched locations to my room.

Unfortunately, like K, The man sabbatical (and my birthday) had made me neglect my laundry. Specifically my sheets, which were covered in sand. I'd been sleeping in sandy sheets for several days and though no one would find out my dirty secret. Enter the coworker. I felt slightly embarrassed when I had to apologize for the sand in my bed as I brushed it off his back.

I was feeling slightly smug about the whole encounter, until several days later when I went to the bathroom and it felt like I was peeing hot, broken glass. Several doses of cranberry pills and not enough water later I was forced to leave work early and head to urgent care.

The wonderful people at the urgent care were friendly, complimentary and laid back. They assured me I indeed had a UTI and that I wasn't fooling anyone as to the cause of my aliment. With a smile the nurse asked, "So does someone have a new boyfriend?". I blushed and mumbled "no".

Moral of the story: Don't break man sabbatical or it will break you.