Day 21: I'm wearing matching underwear and it doesn't matter

...since no one except for me is going to see said underwear. Except for maybe my rats. Which is depressing. So let's move on to the next topic, shall we?

Two simple ways to avoid having sex

Rule 1) Remain in an upbeat mood, despite the self-imposed challenge you have set up.

Rule 2) Don't spend time with anyone you would seriously consider having sex with.

I think these are fairly simple, easy to follow guidelines. And you don't even really need to follow both; as long as you've got one of those rules down, you're set! Unfortunately, I completely failed Rule 1 this weekend by switching over to a new birth control pill which turned me, temporarily, into a raging hormonal bitch/sobbing hormonal lunatic. *Insider's tip: If you ever want to commit murder, get a perscription for Lybrel first. If you are taking Lybrel when you commit the murder, this should work as an air-tight temporary insanity defense.

Thank God for me, I am still capable of following Rule 2. Unfortunately, following Rule 2 has had a bit of an impact on my social life. Let's review what my last 5 days have looked like:

FRIDAY: Go to work. Movie with dad.*

SATURDAY: Sleep in really late. Get lunch down the street with friends. Run errands. Sleep. Call up dad late at night sobbing about the divorce papers I received in the mail last week, until my father drives out to my apartment, picks me up, takes me back to his house and watches movies with me until 1 am.

SUNDAY: Go to pet store with mom and play with pugs. Sleep a lot. Cancel movie plans with male friend (see Rule 2)**. Write. Sleep some more.

MONDAY: Go to work. Go to Jazz/Blues benefit concert at Yoshi's for Oakland Youth Chorus.*** Write.

TUESDAY: Go to work. Movie with dad. Write.

*I loved this movie almost as much as the book. Everyone has to go see it.
**I still have to see this movie because Takishi Miike is a genius 60% of the time.
***I still don't like blues or jazz. The fact that I sat through the concert anyway makes the act even more philanthropic on my part, I think.

Somehow, that's not quite the way I'd envisioned my weekend. Which is depressing. So let's move on to the next topic, shall we?

The Hit List

The girls and I, for some reason, decided to list the professions of every boy we'd ever slept with. I am not sure whether blow jobs count or not, so I'm going to be conservative and include it on the list. Sometimes it's fun to take a walk down memory lane. Other times, it makes you wonder what the hell you were thinking. Case in point:

Comic book store employee
Welding student (I believe he is now a roadie for heavy metal bands)
Fast Food Employee
Title Insurance Manager
Fast Food Employee
Tech Support
Environmental Lawyer
Student/Aspiring amateur kickboxer

Something is clearly amiss when fast food workers outnumber lawyers 2:1. And yes, the number of guys I've slept with is still in the single digits. Bet none of y'all were expecting that.

Closing advice

Be careful when you switch your birth control.

Go see Choke.

Jazz is not very entertaining.

When making decisions about who to sleep with, always err on the side of sleeping with the person who has the better profession. Because you might need to make a list later, and you don't want to be revealed as the loser who keeps having sex with fast food employees.

*MJ*