DAY 44: I'm ready to jump

Thanks Maddona!!! This song always lights a fire under my tush!!!

Your 20s are definitely hard. Its the time when you have to grow up, have responsibilities and figure shit out. That's a lot to handle. Back in college everything was already laid out for you. Things were somewhat, for the most part, figured out. Go to class, eat, sleep, party, homework, graduate, apply to grad school. The trip was pretty much googled mapped for you. Then you graduate college, then grad school (law school for me) then you step out into the real world. You realize: "Fuck I am gonna have to do what I just learned for the rest of my life." Then you get sad because you really don't wanna do it. If you're like me, you took the sensible route and opted for degrees that would for sure make money, but would not necessarily make you happy. So you grow some ballz and say "you know what, I am not going to be a lawyer." Then your students loans come in and you start freaking out and realize that if you don't become a lawyer you might be fucked financially for a long time. That's no fun either. You're 20 something you are suppose to be having fun. So for about 2 years I bumbled around, scared to jump from the sensible to what I love. Having always taken the sensible route I didn't really take time to discover what I love. I didn't really have a passion. Something I would do anything for, move anywhere for. Don't fret my pets, there is a light at the end of this tunnel.

So the company I worked for laid off shit tons of people. I was one of the lucky few. Very thankful at this moment to still have a job. I am sure my school loan companies are too. At the time of the layoffs I was really sad for my friends that left, happy to still be there, but sad that others in my department were moving on to something bigger, better and that they wanted to do; something they might even have a passion for. I was still stuck tagging shit. Still there is a light at the end of this tunnel.

First came Science, thank you W for taking me to Science cafe. You reminded me that my brain is not mush, there is a reason why I passed the bar the first time and didn't do too shabby in law school; I still have a brain!!!! That was like my little flashlight.

Then came the news that there might possibly be a TV show related to Fashion/ Style at some point, or an opportunity to be some sort of community liaison for style, and my co-worker - who we will call T who really stuck up for me and pushed me and told me if I want it go for it, and prove it!! Um this would most definitely be the really great lighting in the bathroom at ____ movie theater (to be filled in when I can remember the name).

Next came Yves Saint Laurent cocktail party at the de Young museum. At first it was a snooty crowd - really rich wearing diamond badly dressed but wearing really expensive clothes - and I wanted to go home. Then the tour of the exhibit, and I knew I was home. I didn't care if some of the stuff I would never wear, but I loved it all. I could appreciate it all. The hard work, the artistry, the visions. Seeing how fashion repeated it self, the quality of work. YSL = AWESOME!! The only bad part was that I couldn't touch everything / anything. Definitely an exhibit I want to go see again. Then I met a stylist. Which really in and of itself is not that "woo hoo ish." However, because she does what she loves here in SF and she was willing / is willing to talk to me and connect me with others, it is "woo hoo." "So like you mean I could totally like do fashion and TV together, and I totally might could do them both or fashion by itself here ? Like um saweet!!"

So I'm ready jump. It's gonna be a big jump though. I found my passion. Now I have to go for it. Figure out how to get to where I want to be. Also realize that it might take awhile - it took me 2 years alone to figure it out. I have kinda accepted the fact that I am a bit of a late bloomer. The first big step - I am not renewing my license this year - yep going inactive. I don't need a fall back, I am going to succeed and save $400 (for not paying my license dues) cuz I am gonna need it!! I would move anywhere, go anywhere for the opportunity, just for the chance to see what I could really do. They say 27 is gonna be a big year - well my roommate does at least. 27 - 33 your life apparently changes. I hope so, and for the better.

xoxo * S